Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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