I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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