I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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