You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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