Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
