Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
