I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
