This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
