Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
