is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
