Im at strip club and am horny
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Alive.
So much puke
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
