Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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