dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
