Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
