Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
