How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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