party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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