The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
