upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
