He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
