so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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