Your mouth is God's brothel.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
