i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
