I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ugly people sure do ruin things
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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