I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
