You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
