TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
