don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
