I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
