listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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