dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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