The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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