Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
