omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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