How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
