His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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