so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
