guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just had sex on a roof
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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