I heard we made out
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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