Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
