i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
