at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
