dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
