he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize