I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
