Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
