the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
