i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
