i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
