i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize