My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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