What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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