I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
