im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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