I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
