I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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