you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
