last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
