Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
