You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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