im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My ass is underappreciated
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
