I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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