why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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