Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
