I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Even my vagina gasped.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
