so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
