I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
